If You Died
by silly pancake22
Summary: Dick is exposed to The Scarecrow's 'fear gas', he realizes that his biggest fear is also his biggest desire, Barbara. How did it take him this long to realize this? Read more to find out! ;


Nightwing (Dick Grayson) Batgirl (barbara gordon)

characters © DC

He laid there, still and silent. It was close to 4 a.m or some ridiculous time when he should not have been awake. Yet, here he was, still and silent.

Breathing slowly next to him in a deep slumber was Ms. Barbara Gordon, his life time friend. Just friend. Sleeping away, her breaths were slow and steady, as she slept a well earned sleep.

There had been a late night call, Scarecrow had broken out of Arkham asylum and was planning to kidnap the mayor. He relentlessly ran through the streets of Gotham, gassing the streets with his 'fear gas' that exposed people to the deepest part of their psyche, and made them believe that their fears were real. A dangerous gas, in most cases, the gas was not lethal, but it often times drove the person to suicide. In most cases. But Dick Grayson, was stronger than that, he had been exposed to the gas... But he was also exposed to so much more.

It was Dick and Barbara who had received the call that Scarecrow was up to his old tricks. They were in the near by neighborhood. Immediately, they changed into costume and fled after him. But Scarecrow was ready for them, as soon as they arrived, they were trapped in a cloud of fear gas, Barbara covered herself in her Batgirl cape and held her breath for as long as she could. Dick on the other hand, his Nightwing costume offered him nothing to cover his mouth with, so, taking a big deep breath of the gas, he went in after Scarecrow. Dick's mind was soon flooded with images of blood and a circus tent, the very same circus tent where Dick's parents were murdered, the horror of that night entered his thoughts. But in the midst of the horror of seeing his parents dead on the floor of the tent, there was Barbara, on a broken trapeze, dangling from a long and deathly fall, screaming for her life. Dick ran towards her, as she fell to her doom, rushing to catch her-

But it was no use, with each step he ran closer to her, she seemed to be getting further back. Barbara fell to the floor of the circus, her body shattered, and blood everywhere.

The next thing Dick remembered is waking up here, in his own bed, his body, dressed in bruises and wounds, and Barbara, snuggled in the covers next to him, clearly not dead.

It all made sense, the fear gas from Scarecrow had gotten to him, his mind was taken over by his inner fears... his parents deaths... and Barbara? Where did she fit into all of this? How is her dying his greatest fear? Dick thought about it for a moment, he pictured Barbara dying in his arms, and him, not being able to do anything. His stomach knotted at the thought of it, it was clear to him, that Barbara, though only a friend to him, was a significant part of his life. She was in fact, his only friend, since they were children. Dick had always liked her, loved her even. But never said a word, at the risk of losing his only friend to something as foolish as love was not an option. He shoved the emotions to the back of his mind and continued on with his life. But tonight, after witnessing what it would be like to lose her, It was not acceptable to keep this from her any longer.

He rolled over on his side, Barbara had her back turned to him, still breathing slowly, still alive -thank god- he thought to himself. He reached out his arm and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her towards him. Barbara squirmed around a bit until she found a comfortable position in his arms. With all the movement, she woke her self up and looked at where this mysterious arm that was blanketing her was coming from.

"Dick?" She whispered softly. "Can I help you?" She said in her playful sarcastic tone.

"What happened tonight Babs? I can't remember anything..."

"Thats what I've been trying to forget" She said in a cold tone, rolling over, her back to him again.

Dick caught the sound of tears forming in her voice. Suddenly worried, he rolled her over to face him to get a closer look. Her eyes were stained red with tears, and her cheeks were flushed pale from crying. He had only seen Barbara cry twice in her whole life. This meant it was serious.

"Babs...Babs" He said, rubbing under her eyes with his thumb. "Tell me what happened..."

"You- You ran in after Scarecrow, I couldn't stop you..." Dick remembered running through the gas, chasing Scarecrow, faintly, but he remembered. "You kept screaming and yelling! 'Don't touch her!' 'Don't kill her' 'Anyone but her...'" and he kept scratching you and punching you!" Tears began to form in her eyes. "But you wouldn't stop chasing him! So Scarecrow gassed you even more, then you passed out, Scarecrow got away... and you were in the ER for hours trying to get all that fear gas out of your system..." She turned her face away from him...

"The doctor said the amount of gas in your system should have killed you... its a miracle your still alive..." Her tears dried as she glared up at him. "You have no idea what it would be like if I lost you, Dick!" She sat up quickly, grabbing his shirt with her fists. "If you died... I would.. I would..." She broke down, slamming her head into his chest and cried, sobbing tears onto his shirt soaking it through to his chest.

Dick rubbed her back with his hand, trying to calm her... "No, I do know what it would be like to lose you..."

"What are you talking about?" She said between her sobs.

"The fear gas got to me..." He said slowly, in his cool raspy tone. "There was this big circus tent.."

Barbara had heard the story of Dick's parents death, so she assumed his greatest fear would have been their deaths...

"I saw my parents, laying in a sea of their own blood... and then..."

Barbara grabbed onto his shirt tightly, holding back her tears, for Dick's sake.

"Then... I saw you.. you were gonna fall, so i tried to catch you! and..."

Barbara's face lit up with surprise! Why would she be a part of his fears... she clung to him in anticipation...

"I couldn't catch you... i tried, but I couldn't... You died, and it was all my fault..." Tears flooded his eyes, but none fell.

Barbara leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Dick's cheek, then she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"That would never happen..." She said softly in his ear.

"You promise..." He sighed deeply, hugging her back.

"Dick, as long as I am with you... I know you'll always be there to save me..." She smiled up at him. It sounded childish, like he held the power to her life. But it was true in a sense. Dick had always protected Barbara in the past, even if it meant putting his own life in danger, much like tonight. But now he knew why...

"I don't know what I would do if you died... If i lost you forever" He grabbed the back of her head and hugged her tightly.

"You'll never have to know..." She whispered, pressing her soft lips against his shoulder, his cheek, and finally his lips. Dick kissed her back with all of his might, wrapping his arms around her tiny body and embracing the moment he had waited for all of his life...

Haha sorry it was short! :) and kind of overly-romantic-cheesy-depressing-whatever you want to call it! :) gotta try something new once in a while! Gosh, i totally forgot i started this story until like 1 a.m., so i decided to finish it! :D

I haven't finished a story in forever, much less written a new one... so this is just to keep those of you who like to keep up with my stories entertained! :)

Hope you like it!

Please don't leave rude comments! I don't aim to please everyone! :) That would be highly unrealistic! So if you didn't like it, then why did you read it, silly! :)

Thank you for reading!

love,

amanda


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